Endurance.

I have always had the feeling that I’m stronger than others. Well, at times I doubt it. I think I just have more emotional endurance than others. I have always faced more than i should have; and I’m not the one to complain about it either. Every year as I spend my new year’s day, I wait for my birthday to come. Like everyone, I like to wake up one morning and look at my surroundings, imagining how nothing had changed and yet I grew another year more. But as I grow up with every passing birthday, i sit alone for a moment and think, how do I hold myself still when the world around me is turning upside down? Family issues are one thing but when you know one of your family members is missing for at least 22 days, it feels terrible. So this is what happened, my brother went missing since January first 2015 from NYC and it has been 22 days of his complete disappearance. It’s hard for me to state how heart breaking my life is becoming with each year going. But I always admired how people tried to support and understand me during my bad days. Even with the loss of words I’m usually stuck at, I try to sympathize myself as others doing the same doesn’t help me much. It seems as though my whole life is a test. I have to pass it every year to start yet another harder stage. And I just have to keep enduring all these until I eventually get to a point where my life finally comes to an end. Well, after what happened toady, i think I’m waiting for that day now. But before that, I just wanna find my brother first.

Princess.

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Meeting Ray.

Well, mostly it’s hard to conclude if one’s day will be the way that person wants or not. But for me, the answer has always  been : NO. Everyday, in all our lives, hold a few little miracles; some call it surprise and I call it shock -_- Why does my sunrise bring in all the trauma which I can’t even handle? Well, that’s one unanswered question! Never mind, this isn’t what I was intending to share.

Few months ago, I met this guy. Well he was funny, dramatic, crazy, good-looking, and totally lovable. This last quality is the worst problem! Every girl around me seemed to have a thing for him, and of course that also counts my mirror image :/ So, where was I? Yeah, few months ago I met this guy, right. Our meeting was kinda unnatural. I mean who would’ve thought that this guy could be such a mess? Well, I hadn’t. Honestly, our first eye contact frightened me -_- and we did not talk until our, let me think, fourteenth or fifteenth meeting. But when we did start talking, I don’t know what brought us closer – our similarities or differences – hard to tell. As a matter of fact, we had some certain similarities that were completely coincidental and unusual; on the other hand, the differences were far too much for me to handle in this society that we live in. But like it’s said, sometimes, “Religion and race does not matter, when your heart is truly connected with another” This could have been the motto of my story, but like I mentioned: My Life Sucks. In this case, He was the reason. My life could have been real nice except every time there has to be a problem. So, right now the biggest dilemma of my life is Ray. Well, the rest of the story is a total blur. :/

Ray.

I don’t know.. but most people would probably not like it.. or even half of them wouldn’t care to read.. But it’s still a nice one I guess… and worth a try 🙂 From multiple point of views :

Ray.

Ray’s posture, behavior and looks, these were the things which attracted all the girls towards him. Ray had been the hero for every girl – still is, but I have lost all my feelings towards him. And if I start talking about him now, I promise I wouldn’t stop.

“You don’t need to stop” Pari insisted. She wanted Farina to continue.

But Farina didn’t want to start bickering about how her life had taken a turn and how everyone had changed. Yet, she started her story, only to fill her life with more misery and sympathy.

I had only met Ray for eighteen days but still everything about him mesmerised me. Pari, he was better than perfect. We were really good friends until… Pari, do you know he’s an awesome soccer player? And he arts really well? And he’s such a clown! But I still lo…

Again her voice trailed away. Pari had already started to feel sympathetic for Farina. She wanted to say something soothing to her friend. After all the poor girl had had faced a lot, Pari knew that from Farina’s expression.

“It’s okay Farina, I have a feeling I might be able to help you. If not literally then with words.” Pari sympathised, she really wanted to know Farina’s story.

Farina knew she would only get pity from her friend, but wait – Pari thinks it’s called help! She didn’t want to let her memories go but she knew that once Pari hears it she’ll tell her to forget everything, like everyone else did. So, instead of using her brains more, Farina continued with her story.

Well, Pari, how do I make you understand? I had met him, no say, only got to know him eighteen days before the Valentine’s Day and only in these few days, he took my heart away, because eighteen days later all I could think about was him.. I have more or less 150 pictures of Ray and he’s so good looking that I can’t stop looking at his photos. We had become so good friends and something made me feel his feelings for me were mutual! Until… 

“Until?” Pari urged. Her adrenalin was rushing faster and faster with every passing second. Pari’s brain rocked and her curiosity increased. But even though she wanted to know more, she waited.

Farina took deep breaths and waited for Pari to say something more – she didn’t. Feeling lost in her own labyrinth of painful words to choose, Farina stayed silent a moment longer. Slowly she felt her voice and her sense coming back and so she started again.

Until I made the mistake of confessing!

“What?” Pari cut through Farina’s sentence. She was thunderstruck and Farina had stared weeping noiselessly. The next few minutes were spent in a mournful silence.

Farina wiped her tears and raised her left hand towards her heart to feel the beating. She mustered her courage once again.

Pari, don’t take me wrong. I had only confessed because I was scared; not because I wanted him, but because I didn’t want to lose our friendship. I was afraid he might get to know from someone else! I just wanted to share my secret not and ruin our relation! Then why did this happen?

“It’s okay… things are gonna get back to where they were.” Pari patted her poor friend’s shoulder as Farina moved on with her description of Ray.

No, nothing is gonna get right! I was the one who told everyone that Ray is better than perfect. But, my, my – I was wrong! He’s evil! It took me so long to figure out. But why? Bow, when I look at Ray, I feel so misled! Believe me, it hurts me to think how wrong and naïve I’d been!  Now, he crosses me and acts like I don’t exist; now he curses me like it’s normal to do so! He’s so changed. I used to think he was very unique – unlike anyone but so alike me! But only now when I see him, I don’t stare at his physique, I stare at the empty space at the left side of his body! I try to locate his missing heart!

With that, Farina’s voice cracked and she sobbed even harder. She was unhappy to know that her inner volcano had irrupted and that she had said all these. But she also knew that all of these were true. Her first impression of Ray had been wrong – all along. Ray wasn’t the hero, he was the villain.

Pari wiped a tear off Farina’s face as one ran down her own cheek. She wanted to kill Ray badly, now. But she knew, Farina wouldn’t want that, no matter how cheated and misled she was. Farina would tell Pari to stop and never care about her friend. The thought made Pari sad.

ˣˣˣ

The End

The Kiss.

His eyes sparkled brightly

As he held me tightly.

He crushed his lips against mine.

I felt like I tasted love; red wine.

The only one present,

was the sweet night air.

When he brushed his lips,

with such heavenly care.

As the fireworks blew

And the butterflies flew;

He whispered in my ears,

“Don’t let go, I Love You!”

     – Collected

What to do when Stressed?

First of all, whenever we’re in any trouble we have to do whatever that is the hardest for us at that moment.
When we are stressed, the hardest thing to do is keep calm. This is the first thing we NEED to do. We have to keep calm. Once we know that we’re not panicking and are considerably fine, we need to find a trusted person. Be it a friend, or a family member. Well, the persons are different according to the depressed one’s age.

If you’re a teenager and live with your parents, your problem is minor – just go to your best friend and share. Or find a friend in your journal and write it out, you’ll feel better. The more you confide your problem(s) with a close friend the less traumatic it becomes and one day you’ll wake up to find your life like it was before – free and happy.

If you’re over 18 and don’t live with your family anymore, or are studying abroad, then the right person for you is a family member. If you stay away from your family then think of a family member you know will support you. Usually, in these cases parents are the ones who nag and scold if you share. All they do is tell you to be responsible and careful and that you’re not old enough for anything; which is even more stressful. Thus, talk to someone closer your age, who might understand your situation. Like a sibling. If you don’t have a sibling then you’re the only loved one in your family and have nothing to worry about. But even after that if parents seem painful and if you don’t wanna trouble your parents, talk to an aunt or someone who would swear not to share your secret or trouble with anyone until the right time arrives. Make sure, whichever person you choose is a female. Because at times like these only women understand the actual trouble as sympathy is need more than sense. I’m sure once you share you’ll feel better and relieved. 🙂

Now, the bigger issue is when you’re married and in a job life or have kids. The only person you can share you crisis or issue with is your counterpart; your wife or husband. The best I can suggest is try to avoid internal fights in these circumstances and support each other mentally and financially as much you can. If you see a fight arousing, then try to calm yourself down instead of the other one. Stay calm then and don’t reply at all. Then when situation seems alright, discuss your problems through again.

Finally, In case of old people, the only depression they usually get into is their old age. The older they get, the closer death seems to them. The only solution for them is to know that depression is the bigger concern, not age. If a person is happy from the heart, he’d live more no matter what his/her age. On the contrary if an old person is depressed, life would come to an end ten times faster. So, it’s basically the best to embrace death when it arrives instead of wasting your time anticipating it’s arrival.

Once we’ve completed the second stage, that is shared our problems, then the only thing left is to try to solve it or wait for the right time to arrive. Every problem has a solution. So stay calm and stay strong. AND NEVER EVEN THINK OF COMMITTING SUICIDE!
Hopefully, my advice will come in handy. Thanks. Stay safe!
Princess.